Aging

What should I do when age comes haunting? I have been pondering what to do with my remaining years lately. My mother lived to be 94 and a distant aunt of mine just celebrated her 100th birthday. I am 68 years old so the possibility that I might have 30 more years allows me to plan a second life. 

A little girl then. An old woman now.

I have always enjoyed writing but only indulged in it during my long ago teenage years. Now is my chance to try it again without all that teenage angst interfering with my creative spirit. This blogging is giving me the chance to do short spurts of writing. I might even reverse the immigration process and go back to my roots.  My husband and I could be like the salmon and go back to our birthplace for inspiration and new life. Canada has been wonderful to us. We gave birth to our two children here and they have grown into wonderful happy people. We have gotten to know two amazing grand kids here, intimately. 

My husband and I have this longing lately to explore ourselves, and find new inspiration in our surroundings. This may not be possible in our 80’s. It may not be possible anyhow due to economics. Ireland has become a very expensive country in which to live. The Celtic Tiger boom that took place from the mid 1990’s to the mid 2000’s is over now. We could not have afforded to go back then. The  resultant bubble that caused a downturn in the economy, and bonus for us, cheaper housing, is also over now. The economy has improved a great deal again resulting in a more expensive lifestyle. 

Our needs are less now, and even our wants are more modest. Long hikes, writing, photography, reading and the occasional pub visit with comfortable friends would almost be it. A play now and again and maybe a movie would add to the evening fun. The odd visit with relatives and of course spending time with our other 2 wonderful grandkids in Ireland would complete us. We need to do lots of research. Selling and buying, health and transport, lifestyle costs and utility costs have to be considered. Taxes and savings, hairstyles and clothing are also a part of the research needed. Packing and moving would be exhausting and might even age us more, before we are done. 

Some of these obstacles would be eliminated if we stayed in Canada. We do have many old friends in Ontario. Relatives and grandkids would however not be there for us. We could live in a different part of Alberta to be near family. Important decisions have to be made. Writing would be part of our life so an inspirational environment is important. For now we can enjoy the planning and dreaming. 

Coming to Alberta

Coming to Alberta

“Mom you should just quit work and come out here to Alberta. We really need you and dad. My job is very demanding and J has to be away 4 days a week for his job. Your two little grandchildren would be thrilled to have you here."

It takes 2 days to get out of Ontario when going west. One needs to go up around the Great Lakes

Our daughter, partner and 2 kids were living in Alberta. Our son, his wife and 2 kids were living in Ireland. We were lonely in Ontario, away from our close family. Alberta was closer, so I retired a year early, and we packed up and headed west.  Playing a collection of country, rock and Canadian folk songs gave us the right ambiance. The CD, personally arranged by an Ontario friend of ours, was a farewell gift. Our journey was magical but also a little sad leaving Ontario. We had to drive up around the Great Lakes to go west. The two days it took us to leave Ontario were spent driving  through beautiful lush land. We passed Lake Superior which is called gichi-gami in Ojibwe meaning ‘great sea.’ It is known as the bottomless lake that never gives up its dead, because it is very deep and very cold. It is surrounded by white sandy beaches. The beautiful city of Sault Ste Marie is considered the heart of the Great Lakes and is situated where Lake Huron and Lake Superior meet. It has a magnificent waterside and an international bridge to its sister city Sault Ste Marie Michigan. This gives access to the mid western states. A holiday atmosphere is created because of this, which lends an exciting glow to the city

Winnipeg is the first major city we reached on leaving Ontario. This is the exact geographical centre of Canada. Standing on the corner of Portage and Main we felt the famous strong bitter winds. It is supposed to be the coldest and windiest corner in Canada. We also did a quick trip to the famous Forks where the Assiniboine and Red rivers meet. This is a sacred meeting place where Aboriginal people met for about 6,000 years. It is still the go to place for all major gatherings.




Even the name Yellowhead highway gives me that sense of a friendly pioneer filled Alberta. We  took it from Winnipeg to the city of Regina. This is the heart of the Prairies. Driving through the flat land with the huge globe sky cover, was enchanting. We had never seen anything like it before. We drove the highway for hours before we came across any cars. At one stage we almost drove into a field. Travelling on the one long stretch of roadway it suddenly stopped, and we needed to take a sharp right turn. Any of the little towns we ventured into had approximately 2 to 3 roads and then ended. We loved these vast horizons and felt we were entering a new world.

The Prairies

 Regina is a very pretty city. Our first stop there was the Royal Canadian Police training and heritage centre. It has been training RCMP officers since 1885. This was a very interesting place which covered the history of the the North-west Mounted Police in 1873, to the modern day Mountie.
We also visited an art gallery in the city. I have never seen such an unusual showing. There was an exhibition of toilets throughout the years. The most lovely exhibit of all was a homage to the prairies. It was a large area of the floor, covered with tall spiky white crystal, which caught the light, showing magical moving colours representing wheat fields.

Royal Canadian Police Training and Heritage Centre

Welcome to Albert

Cold Winters

On our journey to Edmonton, our final destination, we saw many nodding donkeys. These are the oil pumps which look, right, just like nodding donkeys. They are very common throughout Alberta. Grain elevators are also common and dot the landscape. As the railway lines spread all across the province in the early 1900’s grain elevators grew in numbers, built along these lines. They dried and stored the vast quantities of grain from the prairies. The railways then transported it to the refineries and mills.

The Railway is important on the Prairies

On seeing the sign “Welcome to Edmonton” we felt very accomplished and with tears in our eyes we turned and waved “bye bye”to Ontario. We had become Westerners.

Older in the Suburbs

Our community was great for growing kids. When my children finished high school I had plenty of discussions with knowledgeable neighbours about which colleges and universities had the best reputations. My kids were under no illusions about cost. Money was scarce. Each of them got grants to further their education. My daughter won some good scholarships. Our world changed again when they went away to school.

We often had Christmas in July or November or whatever time both of our kids could join us. I just love turkey, chocolate and cakes at off Christmas times. They somehow taste better when there is no glutinous lead up to the traditional Christmas Day feast. We often had student friends of my children stay over for a few days at Christmas. These were kids who were far away from home. Our dining room looked like a soup kitchen on these occasions. We used pots for serving dishes and random sized plates, cups and glasses. Drinks were pop, water or box of wine. The conversation was stimulating and interesting with such a varied group. I still miss those student days.

With an empty house we had more time to travel. We met up with my sister and brother-in-law from Ireland at the Calgary airport and drove out to Vancouver. We had flown in from Ontario and met them within 15 minutes. I think we should have been on the 6 o'clock news for achieving such a feat.

The first thing we did was visit the Badlands in Drumheller. Those strange sand structures called Hoodoos were thought to have magical power by the native indigenous people. This was because of the shadows they made. They were very sentimental to my husband as he grew up seeing such topography in the cowboy movies he watched as a child. Dinosaur park was another hauntingly strange place. We saw some whole dinosaurs created from bones that had been found there among the hoodoos. It was here they  had lived 75 million years ago. This is a Unesco World Heritage Site having the most complete Dinosaur collection in the world.

Amazing Hoodoos at Drumheller  Badlands near Calgary

Driving the Rockies

Fairmont Lake Louise Chateau Hotel

Meeting up with my sister and brother-in-law at the Calgary airport we drove out to Vancouver. They flew in from Dublin and we flew in from Toronto and met up within 15 minutes. We should have made the evening news with that feat!

We were awestruck and totally in love with Canada when we first drove through those Rockies. The vastness of this country was very evident in the miles upon miles of forest, lakes and mountains. The magnificent towering mountains made us feel small and our concerns insignificant. Some of the most memorable parts of out trip were the eclectic bed and breakfast places we stayed at along the way. Starting in Banff we stayed at a place run by two lovely sisters. They made a hot dish each morning to go with the usual buffet items. The dishes varied between muffins, home made bread and jam, waffles and banana bread. Each room had a fluffy white dressing gown. There were reading nooks and a common room for eating and socializing. Another place we stayed at was in Jasper.  The owner there showed us a saddle she had displayed in our living area. "This was on the horse that Marilyn Monroe rode when doing a movie called River of no Return in 1953" she informed us. "It was filmed here in Jasper. Please do not sit on it as it is very valuable." Of course as soon as she left the room, we all took turns taking photos of each other on this important piece of history.

Walking on Lake Louise covered in snow

Westerners were very friendly. The scenery was breathtaking. We loved all the rivers and lakes especially Lake Louise which was just stunning. It was quite a surprise to see the majestic and luxurious Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise hotel right beside the lake in such a remote place. We learned later that fancy hotels were built all along the railway route to attract the wealthy. Seeing the vast forests helped us understand how the Canadian Log Cabin came into being.


We have since travelled to the east coast Quebec, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and have driven up over the great lakes and into the west. Each area has its own uniqueness and wonderful beauty. The city of Toronto is not the centre of Canada. There are vast areas with different people and different perspectives. Seeing them all tends to be humbling.

Growing up in the Suburbs

dreaming of gum and Kool-aid

I always felt that I was a very conscientious mother who took pains to make sure my children had good food and infrequent amounts of candy and Kool-aid. Kool-aid was very popular in the 1970's and 1980's. The semi permanent orange and purple rings around kids mouths gave me nightmares about the damage it could do to their insides. This nightmare included gum. I could visualize it tying their colons in knots. The worry however would be  quickly turned around.

One of the beautiful parks near our Ontario home

Ontario Fall

Walking in the neighbourhood with my daughter one day, I saw a horrific sight. S bent down and quickly picked up something from the pavement. Standing there transfixed I slowly realized what it was that she had picked up. It was in her mouth being chewed before I could move. Yes, it was gum, black with dirt that had been walked on, peed on, no doubt by a dog, maybe a cat. Surely it was licked by a skunk and maybe even snotted on by one of those men who delight in emptying their noses on the sidewalk. There and then it was gum for my kids anytime they wanted it, fresh and clean from my hoard.

It was exciting, nerve wracking but at the same time gave me a sense of freedom, going back to work.  I planned all the details of how the household would run without me there. One of these details involved my daughter and son making their beds each morning after they got up. On the weekends I would change the bedding and makeup the beds. My husband, who had a contracting business could leave later than me for work. It was his job to give the kids breakfast and see them off to the local school.  Arriving home from work one day I happened to notice my son playing outside, wearing, the same clothes he had been wearing the day before. I was certain of this as I could see dried dinner stains from the day before's dinner down the front of his outfit. "Dermo" I said to my husband "why is C wearing dirty clothes from yesterday?" "I did not realize he was" said he. "He had his coat on, his face scrubbed and his hair combed when leaving  for school. He looked like a clean well dressed kid". On further investigation I found out the details of my sons routine. At night he would put his pyjamas on over his clothes. He would sleep on top of the bed I had made on the weekend and pull an extra quilt over himself. I had thought he looked so cute and cuddly when I would kiss his, no doubt, fake sleeping face at night.

My daughter was very much an individual. The kids in the neighbourhood would change out of their school clothes after school. They would put on old play clothes so they could splash around in water and mud. My daughter would also change. She would however put on one of her party dresses. My relatives in Ireland sent her fancy party dresses full of ribbons and lace for birthdays and Christmas. She was very proud of what she called her European dresses. "S you will ruin that lovely dress" I would say. "Ah mom I love it" she would say. "Okay, you might as well enjoy it before it becomes too small for you." If, as sometimes happens with caring relatives, the dress was too large and meant to be saved for another year, she just pinned it to fit. I often found her wearing two dresses and two pairs of socks at the same time as she loved all of them and did not want to choose one over the other.

I have two intelligent kids. I have always been very impressed by their ingenuity.

Moving to the Suburbs

Lovely Lake Ontario

Colours are beautiful in Ontario Fall

Our First Home in the Suburbs

Lake Ontario in the wind

Hockey on the Credit River

Lake Ontario with CN Tower

In the 1970's in Ontario apartment buildings were allowed to discriminate based on age.  This meant people with children had very little choice in apartment renting. There was a law passed in 2002 which stopped this age discrimination.

In 1977 when my daughter was born we were reminded that we had to find alternative accommodation. Luckily we had been looking for a townhouse to purchase while I was pregnant. We found one almost as close to Lake Ontario as our apartment had been. This was an exciting move for our new family. We happened to buy a house in an area where there were lots of young families with kids. My daughter and son still speak fondly about the wonderful years they spent there. Neighbours would sit on their front porches in the evenings when the kids were in their beds. Bedroom windows were left open so we could hear any movement. We would swap stories about kids, work and life in general. Most important of all coffee tea and snacks were plentiful. During the day the children would play outside together after school in large groups. If I went to the local playground I always had 2 or 3 extra kids with me. Trips across the road to the lakeside park were fabulous. We could swim in the unpolluted lake, play ball and have a picnic. Those were halcyon days.

Maybe because most of the people in our neighbourhood were at the same stage in life as ourselves we developed many friendships. These are ongoing to this day more than 40 years later. We used to go to one another's home for card games and the very popular new game Trivial Pursuit. These get togethers produced many lively discussions on politics, daycare, shopping, recipes and family relations. We decided to make use of our community hall. I found an exercise instructor locally to give evening classes to women. Some of the adults got together on Sunday mornings to use the saunas and swimming pool. We set up a moms and tots club donating toys and colouring kits and homemade playdo. Groups of us frequently went to provincial parks. We had fun swimming and barbecuing, playing basketball and of course enjoying the playgrounds. Here is where our kids started high school and took their driving lessons. We enjoyed the comfort of discussing the pros and cons of these life stages with one another.

I neglected to mention that just like any close community, gossip was a large part of our lives. It added some spice to the daily routine. There was the woman who ran away for a day with a member of her bowling team. It only lasted a day as she had two wonderful kids. We sympathized with her as she was treated a little unfairly by her husband. He did admit to this when he came looking for sympathy. Luckily it all turned out well in the end. There was also the woman whose husband brought a lover to their house, while she was on vacation with their child. She discovered this when she picked up some photos that she brought for development. Let's just say they were very compromising. This relationship also healed. There was no animosity over the embarrassing and sometimes unfortunate events that happened to all of us. We needed one another in some ways and people were always kind.

I marvel at how much we long to move through life's stages as quickly as possible. We just do not realize how much we enjoy them at the time. Some variety of knowledge comes with age. I keep reminding myself to enjoy each day as it comes. Oh to have had this wisdom when I was younger. The average life span is longer so I can use this knowledge for a few more years.

We have never since quite captured the joy of those days.

Coming to Canada

The 1970's in Ireland saw bank and industrial strikes. This created a bad economy. It lasted through the 1980's and on into 1995. Then the Celtic Tiger boom happened, due to better government and some help from the European Economic Market.

Like many Irish people in the 1970's my husband and I decided to emigrate to Canada to find a better life. Landing at Pearson airport in Toronto in July 1974 was to us the equivalent to landing on another planet. We were not used to seeing such a diverse group of people. The food and the accents were so novel. Born in the capitol city, Dublin, we were no country bumpkins. We had that superior veneer all big city people have. It made us smug in the false knowledge that we were worldly, sophisticated, open minded individuals. We had entered a new environment of culture shock. At that time Dublin was full of mostly white Catholics. If someone's English relative came to visit a community, their accent, mannerisms and religion were a wonder to see and hear about. Stepping outside to get into my uncles car we were hit with a wall of suffocating heat. That was a summer of temperatures in the high 80's and 90's. In Ontario there is high humidity in the summer, and both heat and humidity stay pretty much the same at night.

Our native tongue may have been English but our accents and slang were not understood by Canadians. We spent many evenings practicing saying "thirty three and one third", as our pronunciation of it "tirty tree and one tird" was not understood at all. "I slept out" instead of "I slept in" as my excuse for being late for work was met with "where did you steep"? "What a strange culture,”I thought. Newfoundland natives sound just like Irish country folk. Whenever I heard one speak I immediately warmed up to them. "What county in Ireland do you come from? Have you been here long"? I would ask. They are, anyhow, descended from my ancestors who came over on the famine ships.

For the first few months we stayed with my uncle in Etobicoke which is part of greater Toronto. In Dublin in those days there were no big malls. One went to the city to shop for clothing and furniture. We hopped on the streetcar in Etobicoke and went downtown to Simpson's or the Bay for all our shopping. When we got our first car, a big old Chevy Biscayne, we went exploring. This is when we discovered the malls. Ontario Place which was a provincial government sponsored amusement park was a great place to be on the weekends. It was located on three artificial landscaped islands just off-shore in Lake Ontario. Besides the water park and water slide there were concerts and a cinesphere showing great movies on enormous screens. There was boat paddling and nature trails going from island to island. Niagara Falls, one of the Seven Great Wonders of the world was only about an hours drive from where we lived. We visited numerous times over the years. Visitors to our home needed to see this great wonder. The tremendous power of these falls never ceases to amaze people. The beautiful town and walks along the falls gives one an uplifted joyous feeling.

A big family sendoff for the two lovebirds in the centre going to Canada

The close family sendoff

We have never regretted coming to Canada in the almost 50 years that we have lived here. The country has been very good to us. Both our children, who were born here, have wonderful careers. We think however as we are nearing our seventies that we might, like the salmon, go back to where we were born, to live out our final years. This could be our second life. It's quite possible to have another 20 years left and maybe more.

Mary's Sixties Thing

The 1960's brought change to the world. There was a backlash to the strict conservatism of the 1950's with riots and civil rights demonstrations. The news was full of stories about civil unrest. There was an energy in the air. The young felt that finally they had a right to voice their opinions.

I went to school in Ireland during the 50's and 60's. If homework was not done it was lashing on the hands with a strap. If writing was sloppy more lashing. It seems cruel and unnecessary now. Then, if rules were not followed exactly it was the teachers right and duty to use corporal punishment. No wonder they were outraged and disgusted in the sixties when children began talking back and refusing to do as they were told. Most of the world had this same attitude towards children. Now of course all physical punishment is banned in all schools throughout most of the world.

In my little world of Corpus Christi parish teenagers found their voices. I was 16 at the time. A kind parishioner who had passed away left money to build a community centre on the expansive church grounds. A committee comprised of priests and long time parishioners set themselves up to decide how the hall was to be used. We were thrilled and had numerous great ideas. We could have teenage dances with local budding musicians and a drama society where we would hold a yearly play. We could have table tennis and board games. The committee was horrified and gave us a flat no. "We as the committee in charge will run a youth club, and definitely nor dances." W complained that this was not democratic,. " Democracy is not always great. After all the church is not democratic, " we were told.

Taking lessons from the new world we lived in we banded together. We planned and executed a march (about 15 of us) to the community hall and right up onto the stage. There was no stage fright, even as we gazed out at a mixed audience of about a hundred curious faces who had followed our march. Not one of us had a prepared speech but I can recall some very eloquent words. We were excited and enraged and used our arms and voices to incite the audience. When it was my turn to speak I listed our arguments.

• " The  seniors now run their  own successful club.
• The mothers and children run theirs 
• There is a ladies club run by themselves
• The sewing and knitting club is run by its members
• The bridge club is also run by its members
• What is so inept about teens that they cannot run their own club?
• We already have a parish magazine that we run monthly very successfully."

Parish magazine

• The loud clapping and wild shouts of agreement motivated me to go further. "We are entitled to participate in this venture and we insist on running a youth club that the teenagers of this community will enjoy."

Well run Ladies Club

This event created a lot of excitement and gossip. It was eventually decided that two of the younger committee members would assist us in getting the club going using all of our ideas. 

This was my participation in the sixties revolution. It taught me that everything is achievable if it is fair. We all have to speak up to help put things right.

School Yard Antics

When people today complain about the school system, it takes me back to my own school days. I will tell you about a somewhat traumatic event that took place then. Before I recount this experience I will give you some background.

Grade school was a local Catholic one in Ireland. It was built in 1931. My father who would be 94 years old if he were alive today attended it before me. I myself am now almost 68 years old. Kids are still attending it, which gives you an idea of the continuity of generations going to this magnificent sturdy building. I saw it again last year and it is still a beautiful place. We did not have a gym to hold events but we did have a system which I feel now would greatly benefit modern schools. Each classroom  had a beautiful thick wooden, folding partition wall. As it is a long rectangular school style, we would open several partitions for events depending on room size needed. Bathroom facilities were outdoors. Two great big long rectangular sheds where we kept  our bicycles, footballs, nets and rackets were attached to the toilets. There was one for girls and one for boys. As was common boys and girls went to separate schools. The exceptions were grades called Junior Babies and High Babies for 4 and 5 year olds respectively.

Of course today the school has been upgraded and there is indoor plumbing among, I am sure, many other upgrades I am not aware of. We had a mixture of lay teachers and teaching nuns. Life was good except when we got the cane on our hand for bad writing or unfinished homework. It was the era of corporal punishment around the world. How we have progressed! Kids now are free thinking unafraid little people. Occasionally, when we complained about punishment to our parents, we were told that we probably deserved it. By the 1960's onwards some cracks in this thinking began to appear, People were beginning to question figures of authority. My father was one of these.

My 5 year old brother Thomas was playing in the school yard after the noon recess bell had rung three times. We always got a warning first with one bell. At the third one we all had to be perfectly lined up by class. One of the nuns lifted up the strap she always had tied around her waist and let him have it across the back of his legs. Without hesitation Thomas turned and belted her as hard as he could across the back of her legs with his school satchel. For some unexplained reason older siblings were expected to be their younger ones keepers. Thomas was brought into my classroom. I was called up to the front of the class to hear his teacher proclaim his crime in a loud and stringent voice. My whole class were witnesses to this. "You tell your parents about your brother's vicious behaviour as soon as you get home today. Tell them that I want to see at least one of them up here tomorrow." This was her version of today's urgent email.

Surprisingly my parents were not angry at either myself or my brother when I told them what happened. They listened to what my brother had to say and did not say a word. I heard later about my fathers discussion with the nun. "Why did you strap my son" asked my father. "He would not get in line when the bell rang" said the nun indignantly. "He actually hit me very hard with his school bag just like  a delinquent". "I don't blame him" said my father "you strapped him very hard first. What did you expect him to do? Do not ever strap my children again". We never did get strapped again by this particular nun. Life got even nicer for us.

The school system today is not the cruel one of old. We do however need to complain about any part of it that we feel needs improving. Whether it is lack of proper classroom size, too little or too much homework or not enough student appreciation we need to keep changing and improving. This is how we progress. Improvement is a never ending process.